When is the last time you challenged yourself? The last time you attempted something that made you a little uncomfortable like you were wearing someone else’s clothes? Maybe it was something you wanted to try, or felt called to pursue, or needed to complete, but the thought of actually attempting that thing made you feel like a turtle in tap shoes.
I had one of those encounters recently. And until I felt those butterflies in my stomach, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t had that kind of experience in quite some time. I had been so snuggled up in my safe little cocoon, that it never occurred to me that I hadn’t ventured out in a while, until I actually did.
My former classmate and friend Duane is into community theater. And when I say “into theater”, I mean he is in every production possible. If there is an audition, he is there. Recently he was rehearsing for two plays that required different accents, at the same time. The guy loves theater! Duane and I share this affection for live entertainment, but my acting days ended when I was in a junior in high school.
As I recall, Duane was a little shy when we were in school, so I was surprised to learn at a recent class reunion that he had taken up acting. I wanted to know how and when this transformation had taken place. At what point did he shake off his shy persona and decide that he could stand on a stage in front of a live audience and form audible words that made sense? I was in awe. Here I am going through life trying to avoid being the center of attention while Duane is honing his acting skills!
Duane has been encouraging me to audition for a play. Encouraging as in sending me audition information for every drama, comedy, and mystery that has come up for the past 9 months. You know, super subtle. While I liked the idea of being in a show, the thought of auditioning terrified me, but it also brought back all of the wonderful memories I had of being a part of a cast.
What I loved most about theater was not the applause or the chance to be someone else for a while, but that everyone in the show cheered each other on. They all wanted you to be your best. In theater, everyone wins when you finally remember that line or master that dance move. Sadly, that’s not necessarily the case on the stage of life. We don’t always celebrate each other’s successes.
Recently Duane sent me audition dates for an upcoming show. I looked at the dates, read the description of the show, and for some crazy reason, actually considered trying out. Then I decided not to try out. And then I mustered up the courage to go to the first night of auditions to simply observe. I did my best to be unseen by sitting in the middle of the fifteen other women who showed up to audition for the four female parts available, but I’m pretty sure they noticed the herd of elephants trampling through my stomach. That, and the fact that I was the only one there who didn’t read for a part. I walked out of the audition feeling dejected and defeated.
The next day I felt the same. Why was this such a big deal for me? Why didn’t I have the courage to do something that I had done many times before, something that had brought me so much joy in the past? I was in a knock-down, drag-out over my self-esteem and I had shown up without boxing gloves. I did then what we all do in times of struggle and I talked about it. A lot. I reached out to my friend Duane and called my husband at work and texted my kids, who were all incredibly supportive and encouraging. And finally, I prayed.
In prayer, I found peace. And my Heavenly Father gently reminded me that He wants me to come to Him in all situations, even my anxiety over an audition. And that He wants the best for me, just like I want the best for my children. Why then, was this my last resort when I know I have a God who loves me and cares for me beyond my human comprehension? I must have needed that reminder.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
I was renewed by that prayer and that verse. I brushed off my nerves (and brushed my hair) and headed to the audition feeling anxiously excited, but determined to do this thing. And I did it. I actually tried out for the play and had fun doing it. I felt like Muhammed Ali after that audition. I won that fight and my friend Duane was there to see it, although I don’t think he knew he was witnessing a battle.
Thank you, Duane, for inspiring me, for encouraging me, and for challenging me to take risks – without even knowing it.
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. Muhammed Ali
fear-less.me 